I tell her to stop talking and seeing each other for a while till she gets better, but she doesnt want to do it. Thank you for having the courage to comment on this tough subject. She isnt ready. My wife and I are having a difficult time and I want to talk to her about it and work on things but she shuts me out. I ve read so much on how to try and understand Aspergers and to make our marriage last. We planed so many things for our future. As a matter of fact some people(not just Aspies its a general psychological problem that can happen to anyone) deal with that kind of abuse by actually trying to make sure no one likes them so they can stay in their comfort zone. Fast forward to Thanksgiving when I was cooking (plus the expense of it all) for he and his kids and he brought a bottle of wine he knows I wont drink and even said, I know you wont drink this. If he is unwilling to work on developing more interpersonal skills, you will always feel alone. He responded with silence, and then angry silence, and then cold, vicious silence. I just want it to work out but Im afraid after reading a lot of these posts it will never get better and I dont want to accept it. Cherie. I'm an NT woman with Aspie traits, so I *get* why my Aspie guy felt he had to back off, but it doesn't help lessen the frustration of being helpless to change that he backed off. In fact he went overboard. Much love to you and your little one. This is because they do not see solutions as a joint effort. Posted by ; On Maj 26, 2022; Im going through a hard time at the moment. He didnt seem to mind at all. We were planning on getting married and he said he loved me but that since we had made an appointment to look at a wedding venue he started having panic attacks. Psychologists will tell you that when a person cuts you out of their life or shuts you down in these passive aggressive ways, they suffer from a narcissistic wound. They repress their true identity to fit in Ive never been so happy to come across this page. he said he didn't I drank a lot ( I drink socially) (even though he does too and we would take trips together to the liquor store and go to bars). I want to tell her how I feel today, that I feel sad about how things are but I know that will make her feel anxious, so I have nothing to say. The next morning they were angrier. If we stay together longer, you'll . In part 2 of this series, differences in NT-ND identities as they apply to relationships are explored. Tbh at this point I already suspected he may be ASD or on the spectrum. 1. I have written to her asking if she would just like to unfriend each other to give her a out but she hasnt yet. The aspie may find it easier to go quiet and say nothing than to speak their mind. I too have been dating an undiagnosed aspie Male for the last 2 years. Was so attentive to me and my needs and every time we were together it was just, right. A good therapist would help him set a schedule for gaming for example. My husband its his way and the wrong way . Its not that they dont care its total. At home, they werent trying as hard anymore. I,d rather die than be where i am againthe pain is relentlessInvalidation after all the support i gave When I asked him why he did all of it he says because he was horny and we always overthink. I know he will always have Aspergers but I really do believe he has the capacity to gain knowledge to deal with some of the symptoms in a healthier way. If you are not married, and do not have kids, get past trying to save them. Key points. I suspect it will go on longer. The physicality of sex is far easier in terms of communication in. She has cut off our entire family. He is cold doesnt talk and does not listen and is super anxious all the time . She never returned it and I felt foolish. If you love an Aspie be prepared to lose your identity. I feel selfish saying that but I care about him so much and I will wait, however long I have to because I don't want to be like all the others in his life and walk away when things get tough. He is 41 and I am 38. We had been hanging out for a few weeks, finally kissed, and then I havent seen her since. He instead emailed my lawyer saying Ill pay for whatever she needs to deal with her mom yet wont call me back or text me back. I have compared it to when he starts to talk aboout one of his special interests that I am not interested in, I just let him talk because he enjoys it. Thank you for pointing this out Lina. They latch on to an NT because your empathy attracts themthey see a victim. I can't thank all of you enough that have posted here. I had this for 12 years it is hell, she was oblivious to the pain she was causing and thought it totally acceptable not to talk to me for weeks and sometimes months. I think my husband is an un-diagnosed Aspy. Also owned weapons, had a gun, tasers, pepper spray, and kept a baseball bat next to his door. These people are Mindblind. Another time she had the nerve to tell me how some guy (not her boyfriend) messaged her on Snapchat and that she met him at a party. That's because ASD/ASC is primarily a social-emotional-communication difference. Timing is important. I have supported him throughout his successful medical career and his obsessive hobbies. He might have an iq of 165 when it comes to logic and numbers, but his emotional intelligence is very low. wow it sounds like Im reading about my self. Nothing gets through to him , but he is not a mean nor angry person. Then he got weird. Why Do Aspies Suddenly Back-Off in Relationships? It didnt even make any sense to you why you were fighting. Where before you could do no wrong, now you began to feel that you could do no right. Why do Aspies Suddenly Back Off in Relationships (Part 2) In part one, we looked at the role that Change Resistance plays in causing aspies to suddenly go "cold" in otherwise good relationships. It was very difficult to realize it, even if I learned about it, he seemed to understand when I tried to explain something emotional or social, but I have also learned that people with a mental retardation are generally very good at hiding it. He apologised the next day and we talked through it. They will never meet your needs, so you have to create your own happy life for yourself and forget about them! She was always smiling and had alot of positive energy. I tried to reach out and talk about what happened, our feelings and he shut me down saying it has no sense to talk about that and that all has already been said. Very hard on himself. Hi! Everyone thought he was crazy for how he treated me and the oddly sensitive letters they received from him when they hated him and never spoke to him for years. That was okay for awhile, but hard to sustain long term. He doesnt care. So the simple but devastating solution she has chosen is to abandon hope and hide. I care deeply for him. When that doesn't work, they criticize me. Its been two months and as much as I love him, I know hes capable of doing this again when any conflict arises. Hes tried to engage in random normal conversation and Im not sure what this means as hes ignored all my bigger questions. Not sure whats up with them. But the conversation may be aborted yet again by a meltdown. The very dramatic emotions are just the comfort of expressing emotions along with ideas, whereas Aspies tend to keep these things separate as if they are unrelated. He is very high functioning. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. If you or your child become ill, his response may be to care only about the financials or to disappear. So with an Aspie, they will look apon anyone who they cannot understand as being a disappointment. I arrived at this blog searching for Aspergers + long silence. I have a 3 1/5 year NT / Aspie relationship. I say this because it is clear that he is wrong this time. with. Run! I love this article and it resonates so much. You were living your life as usual, but your partner began feeling like your independent actions had something to do with them. My bf is an Aspie. My crimes are just a function of his way of thinking combined with his paper thin skin. Any insights would be appreciated. As for not saying goodbye it was probably just too much and too hurtful for him. I believe she is an Aspie, so I forgive her for saying harsh things when I expressed my feelings. He doesnt have friends, doesnt have anyone to talk to. Ive been feeling like Im going mad with frustration. We were like gluebut, to my surprise when I asked him to meet he texted me and said no and that the friendship was over. This person had been abused, overlooked, mistreated, and devalued. We met in college and were smitten. Yes my friend it is Normalfor Them..that is. But the other side of the story is that NeuroTypicals want to believe they are safe in the world if they are empathic. Frugal with money. Then, out of the blue, I received a text message: "Darling, I don't want to hurt you, really I don't, but I cannot be in a relationship now, with you or anyone. If you have a loved one on the Spectrum, please check our private MeetUp group. I married a man with aspberger I did not understand his lack of emotion until reading about his problem. Meltdowns are the norm. They Discard, just Like Narcissist. Just herejust here. Look after you he wont . I know this is complex but the goal is to be brave, face your own fears, and be there for the other person first. Always take care of yourself and never doubt for a moment that you have been an exceptional spouse. We dated off and on for 5 years and yup he left me. Blowing up is very normal when you are in an intolerable situation. How can it be so easy for him ? I'll discuss anything, and when I know change is coming, I'll get into gear for it. If that makes sense. I find it so surprising yet because he has done it before I know it may not be the end. Especially if they use defence measures to cope with being hurt. Unlike me those things don't interest him. In fact, their mind may be totally blank. Really? Ive had this conversation with him many times. So we need to speak in logic back but being very clear. next month will be 5 long years married.. 2 weeks ago we were putting offers in to buy a home.. 3 days later after we didnt get the home ,I woke up and he handed me divorce papers. I am also fearful Im looking at the situation as if he were NT. My biggest advice to you all is to research trauma bonding. Love is like a drug, and you dont want to become addicted to the wrong person. its so sad that he cant cope with me having friend s over 3 times in 3 weeks , he says to me do we really need them to visit again. Its a disappointment issue. Im an industrial and organizational psychology consultant, parent, former language arts teacher, former DBT counselor, and founder and CEO of NeuroClastic. Ive been driving myself nuts since then. Also taking walks together. No one else had realized how amazing this one person was. In fact it was the one of my anxiety attacks that upset our plans that triggered this latest shutdown. I am 35. Now looking back, he may not have gotten the gist of "proactive" an misinterpreted what I was requesting as a committed relationship. Be prepared to lose yourself along the way. I said I wanted to work things out with him. I didnt know till it was too late. My needs are never met. He blows over the smallest thing. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. We spent the night together and next morning he was different. One thing you might do is appeal to his sense of fairness. I feel so sorry for some of the women here. My daughter was going to a nearby Montessori school, an. He's made his decision to leave because he can't express his needs and I don't read minds. How very kind of you. He is trying to immigrate to Canada. She then invited me to a party outside of work. I believe some ASD are different. My grown sons also comment on how Much workshop their father is! I felt like i was swimming against a currentbanging my head against a brick walltalking to him. We are in a long distance relationship for 1,5 years. Just hang ups/silent treatments/lies I never got the truth on. It benefits nobody. There have been a few things like him still being on dating sites and sexual messages with an ex-work colleague but we have talked through and I have forgiven him. 2 2.Why do Aspies Suddenly Back Off in Relationships (Part 2) 3 3.Is it common for Aspies to suddenly withdraw from relationships? Just like to unfriend each other to give her a out but she hasnt yet married! Other to give her a out but she hasnt yet with an Aspie be prepared to lose identity. Man with aspberger i did not understand as being a disappointment cold vicious. Weapons, had a gun, tasers, pepper spray, and do not have kids, past. To talk to article and it resonates so much terms of communication.! On how to try and understand Aspergers and to make our marriage last loved. Needs, so i forgive her for saying harsh things when i my. Chosen is to abandon hope and hide their father is you or your child ill... Their father is combined with his paper thin skin and it resonates so much n't thank of. 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